life, sweet like candi

writing // life // k-pop


Leave a comment

[…Disorder Speculation…]

the above picture is a creation of Shawn Coss, Cyanide and Happiness background artist/character designer/writer/artist. Co founder of amnclothing.com


anxiety i try to hide,

feelings of despair i try to control

 

bipolar is not my crutch,

bipolar is a part of me

 

depression is not simply sadness,

depression is so much more

 

these three things i have,

but i try not to let them have me

 

i can feel control slipping away,

the walls around me are closing in

suffocating me, whispering to me

the voicecs want in, they want control

 

will they overtake me? or

can i keep them at bay?

 

are the hell hounds at my door?

quoting the raven, never more?

 

time has no meaning

light fades into black

music is muffled in the background

someone is waiting for an attack

 

the shadows wait to ambush me.

will i let them? or will they overtake me?


Leave a comment

[…Emotion…]

the passage of time

comes and goes of its own will

 

we merely exist inside it

surviving the best that we can

 

emotions are daily things

that drain us of time and energy

 

there are those of us that are /normal/

and there are those of us that are /not/

 

mental illness affects /about/ 2/3 of the population

and everyone treats it as if it’s not real

 

“your not depressed, your just sad. get over it.”

“you just need to get out more.”

 

all this does is discourage those of us with

these issues to not talk about them at all

which can be worse for everyone around us


Leave a comment

[…Untitled…]

all the anxiety inside me

emotions, time, and needs

all rolled into one

 

determination above all else

love, energy, and rest

 

noise gives way to anger

regret and negativity

growing distant with every passing day

senses dulled by medications

sleep never coming

 

oblivious to apathy

wanting the same thing

 

to be  HOME

 

unknown assailants waiting

for the lights to dim on another day


Leave a comment

[…Autumn…]

the air turns cooler

leaves change color and fall

hunting season arrives full force

 

deer appear in large numbers

some with foals, some without

mating season is upon us

 

hoodies, jackets, and sweaters

your time has arrived

time to take you from storage

that time of year just perfect for you

 

chilly breezes, perfect for walking

even outdoor chores don’t seem a bore

searchin’ for a reason to be outside

 

perfect for snugglin’, cuddlin’

fires, flames dancin’

 

hot cocoa with tiny marshmallows

like tiny clouds in a sea of milk chocolate

 

a time for family, friends, and traditions,

pumpkins, turkeys, ghosts, witches abound!


Leave a comment

[…Unnamed…]

children playing

a baby crying

 

phone ringing constantly

music playing faintly in the background

 

sounds

sounds of life

sounds of a parent

 

sounds of anyone really

 

visit a local mall

anytime during summer

and you will hear the

same thing along with

smells of food haunting

you from the food court


Leave a comment

[…Anxiety…]

anxiously i wait for the day

that you can return to me

 

it is taking too long

i need to have you

by my side again

 

i feel so lost inside

i feel so hopeless and alone

 

i need you to save me

please come and save me

 

i feel i will drown

without your love

 

i know i will drown

without my stable rock

 

my anxiety is killing me inside,

SAVE ME


Leave a comment

[…Joseph…]

visit after visit, week after week

we drive 300 miles away to see him

 

i cannot wait until the day he

comes home for good

 

i miss his smile, i miss his hugs

i miss his silly laugh, i miss his game playing

 

my joseph, my son

 

without you or your brother

i am lost and without a beacon

 

listlessly i go to work,

mechanically i eat sleep, and tend house

 

my phone remains silent except

for when my mother calls me

 

i long to hear your voice on the phone,

i long to have you home again

 

the new house is too silen without you

 

i wish i could take you home today….

 

I love you!

— Mommy